Thursday, August 18, 2005

Why do I do these things!

Why do I turn something good into shit?!?! I am just so frustrated with myself right now. Things seem to be going good and I want to get a little something more out of it and "bam" things just blow up in my face. Of course, this has to do with my husband, which has been a source of much concern for me lately. So, I decided to do something about it and we had a really long, good talk tonight. It seemed like we were making progress and moving in the right direction toward having a better understanding of each other and getting back some of the closeness that has been lacking here recently. Then I have to go ruin things, or at least that is how I feel right now. Things were going well, things felt good, so I decided to bring up something that has been a point of contention because I mistakenly thought maybe with all of this good feeling I could possibly get him to see my point of view on it. And that's where I was wrong. Things just degraded from there and now I am in the living room typing this and he is in bed brooding. We are both mad and I wonder how much of the progress I thought we were making has evaporated. I'm just so frustrated and I want more than anything for things to improve. I think we are heading in the right direction and I think we both want things to get better, but when things blow up like they did tonight I just wonder. Wonder if I am just hitting my head against a brick wall, or if all of this effort is going to make any difference. Hopefully, I will feel better about things tomorrow. I have to be like Scarlett O'Hara and remind myself that tomorrow is another day.

Well, I'm off to go try and get some sleep. Goodnight.

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