I guess I overreact sometimes....

Well, when I went to bed last night, I thought I'd be getting the cold shoulder, but, as he does on occassion, my hubby surprised me. When I crawled into bed, he put his arms around me and held me, which has to be the greatest feeling in the world when you think you have royally screwed up. Sometimes David does pleasantly surprise me andmake me remember some of the reasons I married him. And sometimes the making up does make the fight worth it.....

Why do I do these things!

Why do I turn something good into shit?!?! I am just so frustrated with myself right now. Things seem to be going good and I want to get a little something more out of it and "bam" things just blow up in my face. Of course, this has to do with my husband, which has been a source of much concern for me lately. So, I decided to do something about it and we had a really long, good talk tonight. It seemed like we were making progress and moving in the right direction toward having a better understanding of each other and getting back some of the closeness that has been lacking here recently. Then I have to go ruin things, or at least that is how I feel right now. Things were going well, things felt good, so I decided to bring up something that has been a point of contention because I mistakenly thought maybe with all of this good feeling I could possibly get him to see my point of view on it. And that's where I was wrong. Things just degraded from there and now I am in the living room typing this and he is in bed brooding. We are both mad and I wonder how much of the progress I thought we were making has evaporated. I'm just so frustrated and I want more than anything for things to improve. I think we are heading in the right direction and I think we both want things to get better, but when things blow up like they did tonight I just wonder. Wonder if I am just hitting my head against a brick wall, or if all of this effort is going to make any difference. Hopefully, I will feel better about things tomorrow. I have to be like Scarlett O'Hara and remind myself that tomorrow is another day.

Well, I'm off to go try and get some sleep. Goodnight.

My first day of school

Well, today was my first day at my new school. We just had some training and went over some things, and I was able to start getting to know my fellow teachers. Everyone seems very nice and I continue to have good feelings about this school year. Students come back next Monday, but I probably won't start holding class until the following week, being a reource teacher. So, it sounds like next week will be spent getting things organized, having meetings, doing paperwork, doing testing, and other things in preparation for working with the students. The rest of this week will be spent in various inservice trainings and then Friday we will be able to work in our rooms. I am not even sure where to start in there. It's a bit overwhelming to think about right now, but I am sure the current resource teacher can provide me with some guidance.

I was a little disappointed this morning when I left for work. I guess I figured I would get at least a "good luck on your first day" from either my husband or my parents, and didn't get a single one. But, then everyone did ask me how my day went afterwards which made me feel a bit better. David hardly ever asks how my day was, so that was a pretty big deal.

Well its off to bed for me... have to get used to getting up at 5 am again!

OK, so shopping on tax free weekend isn't THAT bad...

I went to Lane Bryant today to take advantage of some coupons and the whole take free thing and ended up with $260 worth of close for $150 and saved the extra $12 or so in tax. I got two bags full of clothes that I actually like adn can wear to work and look at least semi-professional. I had gotten so relaxed at my last school - I think my attire reflected both how I felt about the job and how I felt about myself. I really am trying to work on feeling better about myself, so I figure a good start is to feel better about how I look. I'm using my Arbonne RE9 set for my face and already see a difference. I kept off the weight I lost earlier this year over the summer and will be heading back to Weight Watchers to keep my weight going the right direction. I was very pleased at Lane Bryant that I could fit into size 24, considering a year ago it was more like 26 or 28.

And Southlake Town Center wasn't nearly as crowded as IKEA was when I went there on Friday, so that was a plus. Speaking of IKEA, it was total craziness there. ANd, of course, all of the things they had on special for their grand opening that I wanted were already sold out. But there was absolutely NO WAY I was going to be at IKEA on Wednesday, which is probably when I would have had to be here to get any of those things. And I hear it was even crazier this weekend so I'm glad I went when I did.

This weekend has been a pretty lazy on for me, just did the little bit of shopping today. Still haven't cleaned the house or done laundry, which is what usually transpires on the weekends, but we'll live. David has been sick all weekend, and has spent it in front of his video game. Lanie seems to be getting a little better, but still has a runny nose. She was really cranky earlier today, but since she took a little nap when we got home from shopping she has been very happy.

Gotta go get things ready for tomorrow. I'm both excited about my new job, but also sad the summer is over and I have to leave me little girl again. I so enjoy the time I get to spend with her during my time off. But such is life.. works beckons.

Getting excited...

I am getting excited about my new teaching position. I saw my classroom on Friday, and it is so much nicer than where I was. I have furniture, computers (yes, 2 computers!), and a good deal of storage space. I can't wait to start setting it up. My father went with me on Friday to help me move my stuff from storage to my room, which is on the 2nd floor of the school. Luckily, they have an elevator that isn't too terribly far from my room and my father came prepared with a dolly, so it wasn't too bad. Everyone I ran into was very friendly and welcoming so I just am getting a really good feeling about this assignment. After 4 years in hell, I guess it is my turn for something a little better.

I also need to say I have the best parents in the world. I don't know what I would do with out them. I couldn't have moved all that stuff by myself, that I know. And my mother watched Lanie while we did it so I knew she was in good hands. And that's how I feel every day when I leave her there while I work. Last year, my dad made breakfast for me almost everyday, and both my mom and dad spent their days playing with and taking care of my little girl. I couldn't ask for a better situation. So when I think about some of the things that suck in my life, I have to remind myself of some of the good things, like these two remarkable people I am proud to have as my parents. I couldn't have chosen any better...

Just a little bit jealous...

Lately my little girl has been a real mama's girl. I guess 6 weeks of being away from Daddy will do that. It is "Mama" for everything. She wakes up in the middle of the night and cries out "mama, mama, mama...." until I come. I know her Daddy gets a bit jealous of it at times and wishes she was more of a Daddy's girl, but I am sure that time will come.

Well, today was my turn to get a little bit jealous. This afternoon after her nap, Lanie wanted her Daddy so I brought her to him, and she just SAT with him for like 15 minutes. My little girl almost never just sits. I found myself getting a tinge of the green-eyed monster just watching it. It was a pretty picture to watch, I do have to admit. He looks at her with so much love and she reflects it right back. I guess I get a little bit jealous of that too. That's normal, isn't it? After almost 10 years together I don't get many of those looks, but I guess in a way when he looks at her with all that love, some of that is for me too.

Well this wasn't supposed to turn into me talking about my relationship with my husband, so I guess I will end it here. Someday I will rant about everything going through my head about that, but just don't have the energy for it now.

My baby is sick....

...and I feel so powerless! I just hate not being able to just make her all better. Lanie started haivng a runny nose on Monday: Tuesday morning she was all congested and running a fever; now, she has an ugly sore on her lip that just LOOKS painful! I took her to the doctor today, and he basically said it just has to run its course. I HATE that! My normally happy, happy baby is not her normal joyful self. She is very needy and much more likely to melt down if she doesn't get her way. I keep having to tell myself that this too will pass!

I hate STUPID people!

STUPID PEOPLE, Part 1

Yesterday I had to deal with my fair share of stupid people, and was so mad I had to give myself a day to calm down before I even wrote about it. What is it with people these days who can't stand to see anyone around them happy? I was at Benihana's yesteday with my parents and my sister to celebrate my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. I, of course, had Lanie with me. And even though she has been sick, she was very happy, smiley, and saying "hi" to everyone. We had one of the tables to ourselves and so we took our time eating and lingered over our dessert and green tea. Well, my dad was holding Lanie and playing with her, which brings great joy to my daughter. So, of course, she expresses her joy in the form of happy squeals. Apparently, someone at the next table complained to the waitress, asking if she could say something to us about Lanie being too loud. We were in BENIHANA'S for Christ's sake! We weren't in some quiet, high brow restaurant. What is it about seeing a HAPPY child that upsets people? I could somewhat understand if Lanie were crying inconsolably or having a fit, btu she was just happy and expressing her joy. Yesterday I was angry, but now I just feel sorry for those people. They must be in a really bad place in their lives to not want to experience a little bit of joy found in the laughter and smile of a child.

STUPID PEOPLE, Part 2

So, as if I hadn't had enough stupid people to make me angry, on the way home from the restaurant, I experienced yet another idiot. I was driving home on 114, and a section of the road had the left lane closed. I turn my turn signal on and see I have enough space to merge into the middle lane before this United States Postal Service truck. I begin to move over and he speeds up and starts flashing his lights and honking at me. He then jerks his big truck into the right lane and speeds way up to pass me and several other cars, and then jerks back into the middle lane. That kind of idiot is not only stupid, but very scary when you have a small child in your car. When the left lane opened back up, I moved into the lane and looked for any identifying marks on the truck, and found one number, and you can believe the Postal Service will be getting a complaint about that idiot!

THAT WAS ALL THE STUPID PEOPLE I COULD HANDLE FOR ONE DAY!

Well, Lanie and I made it home safe and sound, and I got her to bed, and I just vegged out for the rest of the evening. I definitely was telling myself that things would be better TOMORROW!

Too much to do....

....too little time! I have so many things I want to do between now and next Monday, when I go back to work, but I really have no idea where to start, so I end up sitting on my butt surfing the web. I guess I am just overwhelmed. Since I am starting a new teaching position, I am really not sure how to prepare. I haven't even seen my classroom yet so I don't know what I need to get it set up. I don't really know what school supplies I will need, but I want to make sure I get stuff now while it is all so cheap during this back to school craze. I have a lot of friends I want to see, but I know I don't have enough time to see them all, and get done what I need to around the house. As usual, like it is at every school break, I said I was going to get more organized, and really didn't get around to doing anything to accomplish that. Well, I did pull out some old clothes from my closet, so I guess that counts.

Well, I should just get off my ass now and get something done in my house right now, instead of just sitting here rambling!