Left Out...

That's kind of how I am feeling these days. It is hard being the new person again, having to deal with a whole new set of co-workers again, and feeling like I just don't fit in. I should be used to it by now but it doesn't seem to ever get any easier. Growing up, my sister was the one who always had the "cool" friends, and I was always the outsider. Then in college, I went to a university where you weren't "in" unless you were in a sorority, and yeah, you guessed right, I was NOT in a sorority. I've never really had the tight knit group of friends that I always thought would be great to have. Now, don't get me wrong, I have some really great friends, but they are all pretty independent from one another, not people to go on group outings with. And bouncing from one school to another doesn't help this feeling of being left out at all. No matter where it is, it is always hard to be the new kid on the block, especially when you feel like you never fit in anywhere in the first place.

Oh well, I know it will get better, but right now it just really sucks.

What the *&*^&^%#^????

OK, I added the Google AdSense bar to my blog a little while back and up until recently it had been putting up ads for the thing I had done to my eyes. I figure if I name the procedure those will come up again. Well, anyway, today I check out my blog and there are ads for drug and alcohol rehab centers!!! I think I made one reference to "partying" in my last post and that is what pops up!?!?! That is the only thing I could find that could remotely have triggered the placement of those ads. Wonder what would happen if I made reference to Orgies!!!!! Well, I guess we'll see!

Procrastinating

Here I am posting on my blog when I should be finishing getting my house ready so that the housekeeper can come and clean it tomorrow. It just seems wrong to have to "clean" your house so the housekeeper can clean it! We are having our housewarming party on Saturday, so I have to de-clutter (which was supposed to get done over the summer), so I can have someone come and clean before Saturday. So, now my office is stacked with the boxes from all over the house that haven't been unpacked, or that got filled with stuff from around the house. My office will definitely be off limits area on the house tour! Eventually my office is to be my scrapbooking haven, but it certainly is no haven now. Oh well, I better get back to it. I hope some of you are out there actually getting some rest.... or partying your tail off in Dubai!

New Job, Part 2

So I have made it through my first three days of school, and I am still alive. It is really good that I have an assistant who has been there for years and really likes what she does. We are still in the process of having to sort through everything that was in the room, and me trying to get curriculum organized so I can figure out what to use with each student, The students have a variety of disabilities and ability levels so it will be a juggling act to find the right thing to use with each of them. I ended up with 10 students, which is quite a load for this type of class, but it seems to be going well. We are still trying to get a schedule in place which is what most of these kids really need, a set routine to follow. I really do like these kids. They all are very lovable and I can see why all the people who work with them keep telling me that I will like it. I'm going to do my best and give it a couple months before I decide if I am going to try and switch positions at mid year. Who knows I really might end up liking it here.

New job

Well I have spent this past week trying to get ready to start the new school year in my new position. I haven't had a lot of time actually in my classroom to try and get things ready for Monday, so I am a little stressed out about that, but overall am a lot less stressed than I had been. The staff at my new school seems friendly enough, but of course when I saw everyone from my last school today I couldn't help but wish that I was sitting over with them this year. It will just take a while to get adjusted. It was so different last year when I started at a new school, because I was actually excited to be there and I had left such a bad situation that I knew it really couldn't be any worse. Then I had such a great year there and then to find out I was being transferred, not because of something I did or because they didn't want me there, but just because of factors out of my control. There must be some reason for this, but I haven't figured it out yet. So many things have changed in the past 6 months. A new house, new job, close friend moving to the other side of the globe; sometimes it just seems so overwhelming to deal with so much change.

It's 3:30 in the morning....

and I am up for two reasons. My little girl woke up around midnight, crawled out of her crib and came into our bed. Well, about half an hour ago, my dh asked if I could return her to her room, which I obliged. His back has been hurting and he has been tossing, turning, and moaning all night, which is probably the main reason I am awake. I tried to get him to take a pain killer and a muscle relaxant, but, would he take them???? noooooooooo..... Why is it that men who will use every kind of electronic technology and the latest and greatest gadgets will not use medical technology to their advantage?!?!?! See, if I am in pain, and know that a couple of pills will reduce my pain and let me sleep, I am all for it. I choose not to suffer. I just don't get it. Any insights out there for me?????

Lacking Motivation

Here I am sitting at my computer typing this post when I should be at my old school packing up so I can move all my teaching crap that I won't be able to use in my new position to my new school, which I have never been to, and frankly at this point wish I would never see! I am having such a hard time getting into the right frame of mind to start this new job. I just want to go back to my old school with all of my friends there instead of being the new teacher again! I did that last year, and don't want to do it again! And then there is the issue of the class I will be teaching. It is sooo out of my comfort level, and not anything I ever wanted to teach at all. But these kids really do deserve someone who wants to be there which makes it even more frustrating that the Special Ed department would place someone there that absolutely does not want to be there. I have done the self contained class before with a different population of students, but hated it! I was sooo happy last year and now am going into this school year with a sense of dread. I know, I know... you say, why don't you quit, do something else for a year. Well, I've looked at my options, and can't see that any of them are much better. Substituting doesn't bring in enough money, which we need for our new house payment and expenses (last month's electric bill was $600!!!!!). I could go back and work for the state, but I was probably more miserable doing that before and I would lose my summers and other vacation time off, which is the prime reason I became and remane a teacher. The time with my daughter this summer has been awesome and I don't want to give that up. So, I will do what I always do. I will try to be postiive and do what I have to do to get by for the next year. I just needed to vent......

Wanna go hang gliding?

I recently decided that I really want to go hang gliding. It kind of came on all of a sudden and is probably some kind of mid life thing, but I have this strong desire to hang glide. I think part of it is that I have always had these dreams where I am flying over places, just gliding from place to place. I'm not sure why it has all of a sudden turned into this strong desire to do this now, but I just can't seem to get it out of my mind. My husband is just glad I have an interest that doesn't involve this computer or the TV!